The Life and Adventures of a Certain Quaker Presbyterian Indian Colonel
Now in the Press, and will be speedily published,
The LIFE and ADVENTURES
OF A CERTAIN
QUAKER PRESBYTERIAN INDIAN COLONEL.
To which will be added,
The Qualifications necessary to entitle a Man to the dignified Name of a modern moderate Quaker.
By TIM TRIMMER.
CHAPTER First,
GIVES on Account of the Colonel’s Birth and Education, under the Care of his truly good and religious Parents; of his early Propensity to Vice; of his little low Cunning, used to deprive his School-Fellows of their Marbles and Tops, and when that failed of his violent over-bearing Disposition to gain his Ends. Several demonstrative Instances, wherein this Disposition to Wickedness gained a complete conquest over the Effects of the religious and moral Precepts which his Parents had often attempted to inculcate. Their Anxiety and Distress on these Occasions, and particularly on his dishonest and violent Seizure of Captain H---fl-t—n’s Vessel and Cargo at the Capes, and his Attempt to dragoon that Gentleman out of Half of both, without the least Pretence of Right; and how his worthy Father obliged him to give up his unjust Pretensions and saved him on that Occasion from lasting Infamy and Disgrace, by prevailing on the Captain not to publish his Conduct to the World.
CHAPTER Second,
How the Colonel half convinced by the Advice of his Father, that dishonest Practices were not the proper Means of rising in Life, and Ambition being his ruling Passion, at length resolved to put on the Appearance of Honor and publick Virtue.----How he became, of a sudden, a zealous Patriot, opposed the Measures of P—y Power, plead the Causes of the People without Fee or Reward, and acquired great Fame and popular Applause.
CHAPTER Third,
Contains an Account of the Death of his Father, with a private Anecdote relative to a Part of his Estate which was then in the Colonel’s Hands. How he defrauded his Brother out of his just Share of that Part of the Estate, amounting to the Value of several Thousand Pounds. His artful and deep laid Scheme to bring the Society of People called Quakers to publick Shame Disgrace, and to render their Loyalty to the Government Suspected. His Petitions to the Assembly against the Lawfulness of granting Aids to the Crown for the Protection of its Subjects. The mean and wicked Artifices which he made use of to prevail on some worthy Men to join with him in these Measures. The whole Plot between him and the P—y Party on this Occasion, candidly examined and unfolded. The unhappy Success of these Schemes. The [The] Disgrace and Censures which the whole Society suffered on this Occasion, both in England and America. How he refused to draw an Address to his Majesty from the Society professing their Loyalty to the Crown, least it should militate against his then secret and wicked Machinations against his Brethren. In Fine this Chapter will conclude with an Account of many remarkable Attempts which he made to disunite the Society, and to destroy their Reputation as a People.
CHAPTER Fourth,
Further unfolds his Schemes. How he prosecuted his Measures with the Indians, in Order to procure the Removal of Sir William Johnston, from his Office of Superintendent of Indian Affairs. How he sent Messages to, and held a Correspondence with the Natives in the Time of open War, with the Messages themselves under his Hand. How he supplied them with Tomahawks, and other offensive Weapons; with all his secret and wicked Notations with his Majesty’s Enemies.
CHAPTER Fifth,
How by these Means he became odious to the unhappy People on the Frontiers. Their Resolution to destroy him. A Reward is offered for his Scalp. The firm Resolution of his Friends (who were Strangers to his perfidious Conduct against King and Country) to Support and defend him. His Flight into a neighbouring Province. The dreadful Apprehensions he was under that his Enemies were pursuing him.----How he alarmed the whole Family where he lodged with Cries --- “They are coming; They are coming to kill me:” being terribly frightened by the accidental Fall of a Bag of Straw from a Chimney of the Room where he law. How he has now mostly wickedly, treacherously and ungratefully endeavoured to prevail on that Society to disown these very Men, who were ready with their Lives to defend him. And how Providence has suffered him to fill up the Measure of his Iniquity, by meeting with the Enemies of the Society, and by aiding and assisting them to Ruin it and his Country.
CHAPTER Sixth.
Shews the Misery of the Colonel’s present Life, notwithstanding his affluent Fortune. How his Imagination is continually haunted with Ghosts and Visions, painting his Ingratitude, &c. &c. &c. in the most dreadful Colours. How Conscious Guilt is continually goading his Soul, insomuch that sleeps but little, and when he does, his Mind is so disturbed, that he often jumps out of Bed, and sometimes out of the Window; with a few strong Reasons to prove that he would certainly hang or drown himself, did not his natural Cowardice deter him.
The whole concludes some moral and religious Reflections and Exhortations to Mankind, to avoid the Rocks on which this unhappy Man has finally wrecked himself, and had almost wrecked the whole Society to which he unfortunately belongs.
Oh! indignant Reader!
Think not his Life useless to Mankind!
Providence connived at his execrable Designs,
To give to after Ages a conspicuous
Proof and Example
Of how small Estimation is exorbitant Wealth
In the Sight of God, by his bestowed in on
The most unworthy of all Mortals.
Arbutbnot.
N.B. As their Wisdoms and Betternesses, have, by a late Ordination, created a New Title of inferior Dignity, in their System of Politics under the Name of a Moderate Quaker, the Sequel will inform the Reader of all the Qualities necessiary to entitle a Man to that Dignity, and unfold some Curious and just Anecdotes respecting the Persons who are now Candidates for that Office, which will enable the Publick to known them with great Certainty.
